Lost Hope
by Cairdiuil Paiste
Summary: This is my depiction of what will definitely happen in Clockwork Princess. You'll see which side I take in the Will/Tessa/Jem triangle inside. I don't own the Infernal Devices, they're Cassie's ; As of now, it's a One-shot


_Authors note:_

_This fanfic focuses on what will inevitably happen in Clockwork Princess. Enjoy reading it!_

Lost Hope

William Herondale stomped downstairs and into the Institute dining room. He slammed the door closed and sat down angrily, trying not to think of the events of the night before.

Jessamine Lovelace straightened up, saw the look on Will's face, and slouched in her chair again, her eyes full of tears. She couldn't remember the last time she cried. She thought she had been ready for this, she had known what would happen but…can anyone ever be ready for something like that?

Charlotte Branwell looked around the table, unable to stop the tears tumbling down her cheeks. Why had this happened? It had single-handedly destroyed everyone in the Institute. Earlier that morning she had found Sophie sobbing in the drawing room, unable to cope. She had held her close and wiped away her tears, wishing with all her heart everything had turned out differently.

Henry Branwell looked as distant as ever, but there was an uncharacteristically sad look of grief on his face. He had searched everywhere he could for an answer to their problems but to no avail. And now it was too late…

Sophie, the maid, came in with a tray of tea and toast. She stumbled and dropped the tray. Everyone was startled but no-one rose to help her.

Will smiled ruefully. He knew someone who would have helped Sophie clear up; made sure she was alright and wave away her apologies with a smile. He shifted his gaze and saw the chair where they used to sit and jerked his head away, causing whiplash.

The silence became too much for Jessamine. "Someone say _something_, please!"

"What is there to say?"

"You, of all people, should have at least something to say, William Herondale!"

Will didn't answer and everyone averted their eyes from the seat opposite Will, with its back to the wall. Would anyone ever sit there again?

Charlotte sighed, and thought back to the events of the past few days-

Tessa Gray screamed.

"Help! Please! Jem's collapsed!"

Her call had sent everyone running.

` Will and Henry had carried Jem to his bedroom, while Charlotte had called the Silent Brothers, Magnus Bane and anyone else who could help. Tessa and Jessamine raced ahead, trying to prepare Jem's room and gather hot towels, water, anything they could think of.

Jessamine held the door open for Henry and Will, as they rushed in and set Jem down as if he were a porcelain doll. His alabaster skin was even paler than usual and he was sweating profusely. His eyes searched the room, and once he saw Tessa, he seemed to relax slightly as she took his hand and squeezed it gently, staring into his eyes.

Sophie looked in and gasped, forgetting for once to glare at Tessa. Will glared at her and ordered her to go do something useful. She spun and nearly whacked into a Silent Brother, her eyes wide.

The Silent Brother glided past her and went over to Jem, his face grave. From a pocket in his robes he withdrew a glass bottle, hurriedly corked with paper.

Will snatched it from Brother Enoch's grasp, and Tessa snatched it from Will's hands, surprising him. She gently gave Jem the golden coloured liquid, hoping it would help.

Henry laid a hand on Jem's brow, his frown lessening. Jem's temperature was slowly decreasing until he was merely slightly warmer than usual, rather than the fiery inferno it had been moments before.

Jessamine peered in hoping for a miracle.

Suddenly Jem vomited blood, and quick hands sat him up straight to prevent him from choking. Tears fell from Tessa's eyes as she gazed at Jem's face, still holding his hand.

Magnus Bane rushed in, a shallow bowl of glittering green powder in his hands, his face concerned. He was not his usual immaculate self, his clothes slightly rumpled as if he had been asleep when Charlotte called. He stood beside Tessa and examined Jem, hoping there could be something he could do.

Jem then wilted, like a flower in the midday sun, falling forward. Hands steadied him. Tessa felt his forehead and noticed his temperature had risen sharply. Magnus leaned closer and muttered incantations. He gently coaxed Jem to open his mouth and swallow the powder.

Will cursed as Jem spewed out the powder, along with more blood. It stained the white sheets, similar to mud on snow. That is, if mud was dark red…

Brother Enoch probed Jem's mind, looking for anything to relieve him of his pain. _You might be better off if we hasten your departure, James Carstairs…_

"NO!" several voices cried out.

Jem swallowed, and spoke to the Silent Brother. "If you don't mind, I plan on staying as long as I can here, regardless of the pain…"

Tears filled the eyes of those gazing at him, wishing there was something they could do.

Charlotte rushed in and gently drew a rune on his arm.

"Charlotte, what are you doing-!"

"He will sleep for a while, giving us time to maybe find anything to help- Magnus and Brother Enoch will need time to brew any potions or elixirs."

Jem's eyes closed and his breathing became more regular.

Could anything be done?

Tessa gazed at the water below Blackfriars Bridge, thinking.

After Jem had fallen asleep, Charlotte had shooed everyone out of the room. Magnus had sped to the library looking through books so old it seemed a breath would cause them to disintegrate. Brother Enoch had remained with Jem, trying to keep his condition stable.

The Lightwoods came, and Jessamine had burst into tears when Will engaged in a furious shouting match with Gideon. He screamed that the Lightwoods could have helped, used their contacts to look for a cure, regardless of their hatred of Will. "Jem was a good person and"-

Tessa had slapped Will when he said this, so unbelievably angry that Will had spoken of Jem in the past tense. He had stared at her in shock, his face similar to after he had kissed her on the Institute roof, and she had refused his_. …offer_.

She had stormed out, waving away Gabriel's concern, not noticing his look at her as she walked through the gates at the Institute.

Tessa had wondered through the streets of London, somehow ending up on Blackfriars Bridge. She lifted her head, tears threatening to fall as she thought of Jem.

Her Jem.

She had known ever since he told her, all those months ago, that James Carstairs would be leaving.

Leaving them.

Leaving her.

It was so inexplicably unfair- Jem was the kindest, truest, best person she had ever known. He had brought her to Poet's Corner because she liked literature. He had kept her company when she had to recuperate in the Institute infirmary, consoled her after Will had told her she would never have children, played his violin at her request, spoke in mandarin to her, held her close after Nate had been killed.

She had been sitting on a park bench in Hyde Park, talking to Jem, only thinking of him and he of her. They had failed to notice Nathaniel Gray creeping up behind them. There was a gasp, and Jem had whirled around, manoeuvring Tessa behind him, to keep her from danger.

They saw Nate, his eyes wide and glassy, with a blade protruding from his chest. Will was behind him. He screamed at Jem. How could he not have noticed Nate sneaking up from behind? How could he have put Tessa in danger? If she had been harmed-

He only stopped when he noticed Tessa's tears. Will had moved closer as if to comfort her, but Jem was already there. She couldn't remember the carriage ride home, all she could concentrate on was her brother, her dear, dear brother's death.

Jem had carried her to her room, and held her close while she sobbed. Chest-wracking sobs. The sky was starting to lighten by the time she calmed down sufficiently to fall asleep. Jem's shirt had been soaked in her salty tears. When she woke up, he was still there, providing a shoulder to cry on. Which she had availed of.

Jem had always been there for her and she had tried to return the favour.

She had wiped his brow and worked with Will to keep him alive to see another sunrise when he went into another withdrawal of the demon poison. She had thought it would be awkward being with Will, but she had been too focused on Jem to think about him. She had stayed with Jem until he was better, feeling such joy as he woke the next morning and feeling brave, she had kissed him.

She didn't bother paying to attention to Will after that. They only paused when they heard the door slam; Jem had shrugged nonchalantly, and drew her close again.

Charlotte had been happy for them but had worried would this just make it harder when Jem finally succumbed to Yanluo's poison.

Henry had made suggestive comments, causing Tessa to blush several times a day. Jem had laughed his highly contagious laugh each time.

Jessamine had immediately dragged Tessa to go shopping, as she deemed Tessa's wardrobe not suitable for Jem's taste and bought her more gowns, paying attention to the colours she knew he liked on her. Jessamine had even tried to drag her into bridal shops, declaring it was never too early to prepare.

Sophie and Will wore identical faces of jealousy and hatred on their faces for weeks. Every time they saw their rivals they glared but Jem hadn't cared because he had Tessa, and she had him.

They had worked with the rest of the Shadowhunters to try and track down Mortmain and had found a lead late one night while researching in the library. Everyone had agreed to follow it up in the morning.

Jessamine had coaxed Henry to play the grand piano, at which he was surprisingly adept. Jem had been twirling her around, laughing, leaning over to kiss her when he collapsed.

Tessa had checked his vitals and finding his pulse weak, screamed.

"Help! Please! Jem's collapsed!"

Tessa wiped her eyes, still gazing at the water below.

"Miss Gray?"

She spun around.

_Mortmain._

Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at him. How could she have been so _stupid?_ Jem had warned her, as had Will, Jessamine, Henry, Charlotte, Gabriel, Gideon, Benedict-_everyone._

_"Don't go anywhere on your own, Tessa!"_

_"Mortmain's probably watching the Institute, so don't go out alone!"_

_"If you're going outside, bring Jem with you!"_

_"Be careful, for God's sake!"_

_"If we're going outside, stay close to me Tess," Jem had said, his eyes pleading. "I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you…"_

Mortmain was standing next to her, gazing into her eyes, his own light grey eyes curious. His appearance was, as ever, immaculate. His clothes were elegant and had an expensive air. They were no doubt tailor made, considering his wealth. He seemed relaxed, as if he normally met his life's goal-for that was what she was to him-on an empty bridge.

"Don't you normally answer questions, Miss Gray? That is the social protocol, is it not?"

Tessa swallowed discreetly.

"Not if you're the one who asked the question, _Mortmain_."

The Magister chuckled.

"Oh please, call me Axel. May I call you Tessa?"

"You most certaintly _can not._ My friends call me Tessa."

Mortmain paused, an indescribable look on his face.

"And what does Carstairs call you?"

This became too much for Tessa. She burst into tears, sobbing. She stumbled, and was startled when Mortmain reached out and steadied her, his eyes full of concern.

_Which was probably faked._

Tessa told Mortmain between sobs what had happened. She didn't care that he was the enemy; she would have told anyone her problems at that moment.

"Sorry, but ordinarily I'd have talked to Jem but- Oh God!"

Mortmain held her at arms length.

"You would do anything for him? For Carstairs? No matter the price?"

The look on her face was all he needed to know.

William Herondale savagely sliced his piece of toast into tiny pieces, trying to release his pent up anger and guilt. That he hadn't done enough, and he hadn't been there when Jem finally slipped into the void. _Stupid Theresa Gray._

Jem probably made her happier than he ever could have, but now Jem was gone. _Gone forever…_

James Carstairs had had a burning fever for the past few nights. In fairness, Brother Enoch and Magnus Bane had tried everything they could to help him.

Short of freeing Jem from his pain and letting him pass on faster, there had been nothing they could do. Jem was adamant he would stay as long as possible, and made everyone swear not to try anything. Except Tessa of course. Not that she would have done anything anyway.

Last night, after the warlock and the Silent Brother had offered their apologies at not being able to help, Tessa had gone up to see him. She asked that no-one disturb them, which Jem seconded.

Only Theresa Gray had been there when James Carstairs had died.

They had heard her cries of pain, which Will couldn't get out of his head.

Her sorrow and grief were evident.

She hadn't come down for breakfast and was probably sobbing into her pillow. Perhaps Will would go up and comfort her, seeing as his rival was gone-

_How could he have thought that?_ Jem had been dead less than a day and he was already thinking of going upstairs to his dead best friend's girlfriend and holding her close, making her forget there ever was a James Carstairs…

He slammed his bread knife into the dining room table.

Charlotte looked up, and didn't even comment on the defacement of the table that she had eaten at as a child.

Henry moved as if to reprimand Will, but he stopped and buried his face in his hands, his red hair covering his face.

Jessamine took out a small hand mirror and looked at her reflection. Her skin was blotchy and her soft brown eyes were puffy and bloodshot from too much crying. She sighed, and then threw the mirror at the wall. It smashed.

A cheerful voice, far too cheerful, could be heard.

"Morning all. Isn't it a fine day today?"

"Oh shut up Jem," snarled Will. "Jem died last night, can't you at least grieve like a normal person_-Wait-JEM!"_

Everyone looked up. Somehow James Carstairs was sitting in his usual chair, a twinkle in his eye, calmly buttering a piece of toast.

They jumped up and hugged him, only letting go when he cheerfully said he couldn't breathe. They all sat down and stared at him. By some miracle he was with them, looking healthier than he had ever been for months.

_"How are you still alive?"_

_"But you died!"_

_"Where did you find a cure?"_

_"…if that's you, Tessa, dressed up as Jem,_I swear to God_!"_

Jem laughed. The sound was carefree, free of troubles. He was clearly happy.

"Last night, I honestly thought I was going to die. Everyone had tried so hard- for which I'm eternally grateful- but to no avail.

"Then Tessa came in.

"The fever was still burning through my veins, but I still noticed her presence. I always feel complete when she's around."

Jem paused and gazed into space, a small smile on his face.

"She had a bag with her, a small one. She poured the contents into a small bowl and mixed in water. It smelled so unbelievably _good._ She then made me drink it. It tasted as good as it smelled…but then all I hear was her crying as I fell asleep.

"I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in _years_. The sun was shining and I've never felt more alive. Tessa wasn't there, which was strange, because normally she stays the …"

Jem's voice trailed way and he blushed slightly. He regained his composure and looked up at the others, his eyes shining.

"Has anyone seen her? Tessa, I mean?"

Charlotte wiped her eyes. "No Jem, we heard her crying last night and assumed that you h- had died. I haven't seen her at all this morning. Has anyone else?"

Everyone shook their heads except Jessamine who started rummaging in her pockets. She finally withdrew an envelope. "Tessa told me to give this to you."

His eyes curious, Jem took the white envelope. He cut it open with a letter opener and inside was several sheets of paper, covered in Tessa's writing.

Jem started to read, puzzled.

His face paled.

Anger and fear became evident in his eyes.

Suddenly, he jumped out of his seat and practically flew out of the dining room.

Everyone else looked at each other. What could Tessa have written that would evoked such a reaction in Jem?

Will slowly reached out for the letter, and the others came closer in order to peer over his shoulder. They read together the letter, gasped, and looked at each other, terrified.

They ran out of the room, dignity forgotten; only concerned with Jem and his reaction to the letter.

Will took the lead and reached Tessa's room first. At least, what _had_ been Tessa's room….

Jem was standing in the middle of the room, his face ashen. He moved as if to throw something against wall, but stopped mid-movement. Will drew closer, and noticed it was Tessa's clockwork angel. _Which she never took off…_

Jem turned and saw Will.

"She's _gone,_ Will. _Gone._ She went and got a cure from _Mortmain_…"

Will looked around, taking in the room. Everything was gone. The room was similar to any other in the Institute- cold and empty, void and empty of Tessa's personality. Nothing else could be said about it. Tessa had clearly left the Institute.

Jem looked out the window, staring at the bright morning light to prevent himself from crying.

Will extended his hand. "You might want to read the rest of the letter, James."

Jem glared at him. "And I suppose you read it, you disloyal bastard? _That's my letter…"_

He snatched it from his parabatai's grasp. Not wanting to focus on her words, he noticed tear stains all over the letter.

_Dear James,_

_I'm sorry I had to leave you Jem. I had no choice… It was either watch you die or get a cure, no matter the cost. I chose the latter._

_When my aunt Harriet was dying, I was so scared. I would have been left on my own, with nowhere to go and no-one to see. I tried to do all I could to save her but nothing helped. I know now she was poisoned by Nate. By the way, I never thanked you for being there after he died…_

_I couldn't go through with that sense of loneliness again, Jem. And besides, it would have been so much worse because it was you…_

_The first night you were sick, and Charlotte had shooed everyone away from you, I went for a walk. On my own. Oops._

_I somehow ended up on Blackfriars Bridge, where I just looked at the water, thinking of you. I was so stupid Jem, to have gone out on my own. But I wasn't thinking right. Can you blame me?_

_Mortmain found me. The one time I wasn't with you, other Shadowhunters, or Magnus. The golden opportunity._

_We were on our own for once. The first time since that night in the Sanctuary, when Agatha and Thomas were killed. No Shadowhunters, no clockwork automatons, no you._

_He mentioned you and I couldn't take it anymore. I just started crying,_

_Then he said:_

_"You would do anything for him? For Carstairs? No matter the price?"_

_This was an opportunity to save you, Jem. Was it stupid and reckless of me to say yes? Reckless: yes. Stupid: yes. But it was like a golden apple of a chance. And Mortmain dangled it right in front of me, knowing I couldn't resist._

_He let me go back to the Institute then. I returned back to Blackfriars Bridge every night. For three nights the answer was the same. He needed more time to find answers but maybe tomorrow he'd have found a cure._

_Then last night when I reached the bridge, he had a different answer. Somehow Mortmain had gotten hold of angel's blood. It had been dried and changed into a powder. He gave me instructions on how to give it to you and then told me in return I was to leave the Institute after giving it to you. Forever._

_I just gave you the cure, Jem. You're sleeping now, and your skin isn't so pale. You look more peaceful than I've seen you for a while._

I'm so sorry Jem, _but I have to go now. It hurts so much even thinking about it. This letter is covered in tears. I'll be surprised if you're ever able to read it._

_But I can leave now, knowing that you're cured, happy and healthy. I wouldn't recommend trying to find me; Mortmain says he plans on leaving the country._

_Give my love to the others. Thank Charlotte and Henry for keeping me at the Institute and Jessamine for buying me clothes. I'm so sorry to have ruined your friendship with Will. Hopefully time can heal that. Maybe you'll grow old with someone else, surrounded by your grandchildren. You're probably better off forgetting about me anyway._

_I'm so glad that I've met you Jem. I'll_never, ever_forget you,_

_Love, Tessa Gray_

Jem read through the letter once, twice, three times. His head was spinning.

That he had Mortmain to thank for his newfound health was too much to bear.

Why Tessa?

Why?

Will was still there, gauging his reaction. He was probably wondering whether he needed to watch him like a hawk for several days or help him find Mortmain and chop him into tiny pieces. Maybe he'll need to do both.

"I will find her."

Will looked at him. "Of course you will. I'll help."

"Mortmain's mine, though"

Will nodded. There were still unresolved issues between him and Jem but they would be forgotten while they search for the girl they both love.

Jem gazed out the window at the London skyline.

_I will find you Tessa Gray._

_Author's note (yes, again!)_

_Thanks for taking the time to read my fanfic. It means a lot to me that every single one of you read it (no matter how few!)_

_Special thanks to my friend Ruth who edited this for more and made some suggestions which I took into account, and my friend Aisling who called Jem a super badass at the end; (By the way, Tessa is so going to pick Jem. While Will is super cool, Jem is sooo much better ;_

_While I appreciate you read it, press the review button! (You know you want to!) I'm not asking for a massive long yoke (if you want to write a reeeeally long one, I'm not stopping you), but a sentence or two would suffice._

_Thanks again for reading!_

_cairdiuil paiste_

_(kid friendly)_

_P.S. I have started a sequel – The Aftermath! I only have one chapter up so far but I will be continuing it soon. You can find it on my profile : )_


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